Doggie Bag

Do we settle?

At what age do we learn our true worth and value? How much of our adult life is lost in relationships where we know we are settling but we feel as if that is our only option and we would rather settle than be alone? Is being alone so much worse than suffering a relationship that does not offer us comfort, peace of mind and fulfill us emotionally, physically and mentally?

Those are all important questions that I never asked myself until I had reached a point where the alternative would eventually kill my spirit. Do people in general settle within relationships or is this solely an issue that single parents face? I think throughout my life I have had relationships, including friendships, where I settled and I allowed the other person to do more to me or less for me than I was comfortable with. There was also a time where I took this to the extreme because I felt as if individuals and society saw me as somehow less than I was because I was a single mother. Now those thoughts, whether justified or not, were based to some extent on this stigma that is attached to single mothers, and I talk about single mothers because that is where my personal experience comes from and also because generally speaking it is the norm that mothers tend to be the single parent, yes I know there are single fathers too and I often wonder if there is a stigma attached to that too, but I digress. The stigma is often that single mothers are somehow deprived of attention or less attractive to the opposite sex because they have the "baggage" of another man's children and therefore are somehow more desperate for attention of any kind, affection and love and this for some people means they can be exploited by men because they will do anything to hold on to a man.

When we are in a relationship with a man we tend to put up with whatever he throws at us in a desperate attempt to hold on to this guy regardless of whether we think he is right for us or not. We compare our lives to others and think that if Jane has a man then we have to as well. I mean society has an expectation that happiness comes in the form of a relationship, kids and a house and if you don’t fit that mold then you have failed to achieve your purpose in life. I know that in an unhealthy relationship it is difficult because despite what the history with that person tells us we desperately want to believe their words only to be shown their true colors once again through their actions. Maya Angelou once said when someone shows you who they are, believe them. That is so true, but sadly when we are in love our sanity and reasoning goes out the window and we try desperately to cling on to what we hope will one day become real and special. I have no idea when "our" right person will come along but what I do know is that it will happen when it is meant to happen and not before. We have to be 100% mentally, physically and spiritually ready for them to appear and when we reach that point then and only then will they arrive. But in the mean time it took me a good few years to comprehend the fact that not everyone could sit down and eat at my table. Sure there was space to invite them, but some people need to realize that although they may have initially been invited to the party, at some point it was time for them to leave and they were sent home with a doggie bag and a friendly goodbye. A seat at my table costs because my self worth and value is priceless and if you cant meet the criteria for the guest list then either you will be refused entry or at some point management will ask you to leave and escort you off the premises.