Perceived or Real

There are so many reasons why people are single parents, relationship breakdown, a partner passing, a partner working abroad or away most of the time, and incarceration. I am also sure there may be one or two others reasons that my brain can’t comprehend or even think about, but being a single parent can happen to anyone at any time.

There is such a thing as societal stigma associated with being a single parent. Whether we want to admit it or not a single parent is often perceived to be less capable than two parents and there is almost an expectation that the children from a single parent household will be more prone to behavioural problems and/or other issues in terms of the way they interact with their peers, community, elders and society as a whole.

I know several single parents, friends and acquaintances, that are single parents or had periods in their lives where they were single parents. I have to say that in some cases, (not all I’m not even gonna lie, but most), their children are either on a par or better behaved than children from a two parent family. It got me thinking, is there a reason for that? I mean, is this because as a single parent your perception of the stigma attached to your circumstances is more powerful than the reality of it and as such we believe we have to be harder on our children so that it may not be obvious on first glance that these kids are a product of a single parent. Now, first of all this logic doesn’t even make sense, I’m a teacher I should know right? Because science tells us that a child can’t be made from one person, (well unless you used a chicken baster and shot that stuff right up in there). So, we can all agree that it takes two to make the child. But what I have always struggled with and will continue to struggle with is that the parent left raising the child, or in my case the children, is the one who has to deal with the stigma. Now credit where credit is due, the parent who raises the child is the one who has taken full responsibility and is doing what is expected of any parent, offering the child love, affection, nurturing, physical, mental and emotional stability and support. So it makes no sense that this same person should be the one looked down on and judged. I mean I don’t see anyone shaking their head or giving disapproving looks to the fathers or mothers that walked away and left those children without any regard for their well-being. But like I said maybe my perception of the stigma is all in my head and maybe society doesn’t view me or my children as being somehow disadvantaged and having lower expectations set on their behaviour and achievements, maybe in fact all those judgements are my own because deep down

I DON’T THINK IM GOOD ENOUGH TO RAISE MY BOYS.